My Second Dream Pattern: Going Back to School
If my first dream pattern evoked frustration and uncomfortable feelings, the second pattern brought me a strong sense of anxiety.
Usually, I don’t feel anxiety or panic in my real life. I have been able to handle many difficult situations. I’m quite confident and unwavering until getting things done.
However, I felt anxious since this second dream pattern started. Was almost paralyzed in my dreams. Here is my story.
Dream: Freshman In University
In my dream, I went back to 1990 when I entered the University. On a bright sunny day, I came to the outdoor lounge located between the campus buildings. I was together with my classmates. We all looked exactly the same as we were in 1990. Young, shiny and energetic freshmen. (I remembered their names in my dream even though I never contacted them while I was in the organization for 20 years. Surprised.)
While chatting, I discovered that our final exam was starting. ‘Right now.’ And, I realized I never attended classes or studies during my semester. I had no idea what to do with the final exam. Couldn’t remember what I had done during my first semester. All my memories were missing. My brain went blank and I became paralyzed.
My dream ended.
About one year after I left my previous job, my second dream pattern started. This dream devastated me. Believe me, I was not a good student at all when I was in university. I asked myself, ‘then, why am I so shocked by this dream?’
Soon, I realized that the semester symbolized the time when I worked at my previous job. The time of 20 years was given to me. I could have prepared myself to take a more important role in society.
But, I was not equipped with the proper knowledge and experiences when I came back to the society. Especially for the past 10 years, my consciousness became rigid and stuck. I neglected my self-development. Then became isolated and trapped.
It was an urgent message from my subconsciousness. Now, what can I do?!
Once understanding my situation, I searched and searched. Then could find many good teachers who can help me. To name a few, they were Udemy, Memrise, Jack Canfield, Brian Tracy, Mark Manson, Jon Morrow, Copyblogger, Henneke Duistermaat and so on. Studied from them through their courses, books, blog posts, and newsletters. Each of them gave me a specific lesson. When I gather all the lessons together, they created a new system of knowledge for me.
I studied hard.
Dream: Senior in University
Later, I became a senior. Felt that I grew up and became mature.
During my junior, I failed a few courses because I didn’t study. Actually, even didn’t open the textbooks. Although it was not as bad as my freshman, it’s still damaging and causing anxiety.
I was determined to catch up on what I missed. Before starting the semester, I made a solid detailed plan to complete all my courses. Some required experiments as well as classes. Before the semester started, I walked the campus to check the locations of classrooms and labs, so I won’t miss or forget the classes. After confirming the classroom locations, I felt content.
Some time passed…
One morning, as preparing to go to campus, I found that I was missing one course. Completely forgot about it. Again, I felt extremely anxious. Ran and entered the classroom. The atmosphere was awkward. I was a stranger there. Opened the thick textbook and tried to catch up. But couldn’t comprehend at all. It seemed like it’s impossible to pass this course.
The scene was changed. I was confused and wandered all over the campus.
My dream ended.
Those dreams evoke not only anxiety. But also, gave me strong motivation to encourage me. I couldn’t be lazy. Couldn’t spend even a single day without moving toward my goal. The dreams were so powerful that whenever I remind myself of it, I became desperate and determined.
The second dream pattern -going back to school- occurred mainly in the first half of 2017. At the time, my first dream patterns -the escape- recurred once or twice a month.
In 2017, I was the most desperate and the most determined.