My Jungbub Journal – Fifty Fourth Day of Dong-ahn-guh (winter meditation retreat)

 

Still sick – reflection

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This sickness came from tiredness. Overworking.
It’s my pattern. When I focus, I just keep going without noticing my condition. Then, I found out I came too far.

Maybe this sickness is a transition to become more resilient to the tiredness. My body might be transforming to accommodate more tiring energy and process it.

My goal in this year is much bigger than last year. I need to handle more stress and hard work.

while I stay in bed, still the memories came to my mind. They’re just passing by.

One of the memories was about when I was running Bethesda Yoga center in Maryland in 2006 & 2007. In the end, I had faced my limitation. Completely locked up at the corner and couldn’t find the solution to improve the situation.

It’s like playing chess. In every move, the king has to run out of the enemy’s attack. Eventually, it ended up alone at the corner and got “checkmate”.

I tried to replay the chess again. How could I’ve done better? Still, I can’t figure it out and play a better game when considering my energy and ability at the time.

The conclusion is that I was not competent enough to play chess with the strong opponent. Probably the universe must have given me chances to train myself and improve my competences before the match, but I didn’t do my homework. Then, when I faced the test, I just collapsed.

Is it now another chance to improve my competence? The competence in solving life’s problem and pursuing life’s purpose? Is the universe giving me one more chance?

I hope so and am taking this opportunity with honor.